Day 20

Yesterday I started the day in a different fashion. I found out that going through annual and analyst reports are a great cure for insomnia.

The next time I’m sleepless at 2am, and there are no sleeping pills at hand, I’m all good.

So anyway, back to the story. After involuntarily losing consciousness at 2 in the morning, I woke up at 6am with the lights and fans still switched on. I should have felt disorientated and sleepy (like I always do) but things were different with the 9am deadline for my report firmly attached onto every conscious thought. There was one thing that had to be done and I knew it.

Every single thought and action was calculated against how much time I’d take. Every move was measured and every step was planned.

It was a refreshing sense of clarity that I hadn’t felt in awhile. Especially in the mornings. My eyes were shut, but my mind was wide awake.

It makes me realise that often, I go through life quite the opposite. Eyes open but fast asleep. That includes  living a life of reaction, having no sense of eternal direction in what I’m doing, going through the daily motion, not focusing on eternal consequences.

I want to live wide awake. But I don’t want annual reports. Thanks.

~ by lysaer on March 7, 2009.